Friday, October 16, 2009

In her shoes

Who knew? Who knew that in one instant your life could change forever? I did. I knew too well. For better or for worse. Usually for worse. Grass stains and ice cream trips turned into working 2 jobs and college exams. All you had to do was graduate and all of the sudden the real world introduced itself and took all your money and time. Sitting here reflecting on where I was and how far I have come since those sob-filled midnight pity parties I can smile.
I believe that my life has taken unbelievable turns and twists for very specific reasons. Using every last muscle to make those uphill battles and laughing with the wind in my hair as I tumble down those slopes has made me into this. And now I have a little life growing inside of me. A little vision of me. I pray, for my sanity, he/she/it won't be nearly as difficult or dramatic as I enjoy being...but at the same time I love to listen to my mom laugh of the times I played hide and seek and didn't tell anyone (the whole neighborhood was searching for me), dancing in my Sunday shoes on the nice coffee table....
So I am here, growing out of my clothes and letting my mind imagine all the years that are yet to come. All I can think about is my mom. She loved us without waivering and showed no signs of weakness. As a little girl I marveled at her. She didn't cry when she didn't feel good, my dad thought she was the most beautiful thing to walk the earth, people respected her, she could sing just like Linda Rondstat. I wonder how my child will see me. I love to hear stories about my mom meeting famous people, jetting off to California with her best friend for a weekend, pushing down the neighborhood kids to protect my aunt when they were growing up. Will this child see me as indestructable? Will she admire me? I guess only time will tell and I can only hope.