Thursday, March 25, 2010

Beauty for Ashes, Strength for Fear

I don't know exactly why, but I have this Shane and Shane song stuck in my head. Not the whole song, just these two lines. Beauty for ashes, Strength for fear. Maybe because my mind is stuck on all things beautiful and scary. Hahahaha. This baby, moving and kicking and tickling, has my heart. She has my thoughts, my prayers, my fears, my excitement almost all to herself. And I have never been this afraid in my life. If we are being honest, that is. This will be the worst pain (hopefully) I have ever felt in my life. And once she is here, I am going to be a mom. Responsible for screwing her up in some way or another. Most parents raise their child the way they think is best, but that usually creates some issue later in life. We will just do as we see fit, hurt with her through the rough times, and hope she one day comes to see (as I did) that she had parents that loved the crap out of her and did everything they could to show her.

On an exciting note, the baby's room is painted. I couldn't be more happy with it. I tear up just going in there. My cousin Dave is a painter and did this all for us FOR FREE!!!! He did it free hand and if you need a painter (just for walls, or a mural) please call him. He works for himself so he is cheap and as you can see below...totally talented.

How amazing?? I will have more pics once the room is completely put together. I know she will love it.

So, in conclusion, I am an emotional mess with a husband that loves me even in this crazy state. We have parents that showed us a glimpse of the life and love we are about to take on. We have a family that has proved time and time again that we will be held up when we can't stand any longer on our own. And we have a God that gives us Beauty for ashes and Strength for fear.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Feeling like a big every sense.

Yesterday, I submitted my application for an interpreting job. And all of the sudden it hit me...God, you are berry sneaky.
Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start. I have been going through the "Free" journey with Crossroads. In these 3 weeks I have come to some pretty eye-opening discoveries. I have finally understood my need for acceptance and my lack of self-confidence has affected my life in so many negative ways.
One of my "goals" is to work on my confidence in myself, God, and others. Funny how when you mention something like that to God, He gives you a chance to prove your commitment. I realized as I filled out that application, I am going to be asked about my skill as an interpreter. Even more scary, I have to sell myself as confident in that skill...and truly believe what I have to say. The first thing that came to my mind is the words of one of my final professors. "I have no clue how you got this far. Your skill is no where near where it should be. You aren't ready to graduate. Nothing you say is how I would choose to say it." I continue to try to block out those words and surround myself with the fact that I did get that far, I did graduate, and this is what I worked so hard for. I come (fingers crossed).
Secondly...I am huge. My Mawie says maybe I should stop eating and the baby wont get so big. I thank Jesus my weight is all in my belly. I can't wait to meet this child...or bend down, run, and bring my sexy back. Brandon has to help me roll over and get out of bed. Talk about humbling.
Lastly, and maybe least important...I was number one in the company for the whole month. 131 banking centers full of employees and I am #1. I can't believe it. I always finish around middle at just about everything I do. It feels good to have success. It also looks nice on my paycheck.
Confidence, here I come.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Being Pregnant.

Well, as it goes...since I am almost done being pregnant, I figured it was high time to start blogging about it. The past 8.5 months have seemed to whip by without asking me if it was ok. I went from no appetite and sleeping every minute possible to insomnia, an appetite for everything...and swift kicks to the ribs.
My cravings this pregnancy have been mainly Mexican and Italian. Also, Laughy Taffy and doughnuts have been hard to say no to. It's been cute to see Bran change with me. His overprotectiveness has actually been something so adorable. I am positive that he has helped make this pregnancy as easy as its been.
The house is coming together slowly but surely...I have been nesting and that definately has helped me make significant progress! After the robbery, Bran and I got into gear to make a lot of changes and start getting things done. I have finally picked out colors for the baby's room and I can't wait to see what it looks like when it's all said and done. I have this "feeling" that she is coming early so the quicker I can get her room ready, the better I will feel. I have her little clothes on hangers in her closet and it just makes everything so very real. I can't wait to see the face on this little kicker.
She has a lot of people anxious for her arrival so maybe she will show up early. However, if she is anything like her mom and dad....she will be at least 2 weeks late.