Monday, November 29, 2010

20's, its almost time to say goodbye...

On the eve of my 29th birthday, the rain is falling appropriately. Not a storm, not a mist, just a good cry from the clouds. However, for once, the pavement is wet but my cheeks are dry. Its been one of the most life changing years I may ever face. Thoughts of good things, great things, and terrible things all dance together while the memories take their seat in the back. I've had a beautiful life. It's a wonderful life. A time of reflection brings back pain both physical and emotional. Where would I be if it weren't for my missteps and failures? Maybe at the time I was blinded by the need for the hope of tomorrow. But as I sit here in the drowning song on the window, I can't help but wish I could slam on the brakes for the morning sun. It's odd to think of myself when I was turning 20. I was trying to please everyone but myself only to realize that life wasn't worth living if I couldn't be who I wanted to be. And it took me more than half of my twenties to realize that the person I wanted to be couldn't be labeled. She couldn't be charmed. She couldn't be persuaded. She never fit the mold. She wore hot pink shoes on her wedding day. She couldn't be stopped by fear or pain. She is who I wanted to be. She is who I am.
And to see Charlotte sleeping in a heap with a grin on her face, I'll spend my 30's, 40's, 50's, and even my 60's trying my best to show her that she can be whatever she wants to be...and whatever that looks like in the end will be the most beautiful thing I could ever hope for.

5 comments:

  1. You're like a modern day Maya Angelou. Who knew I would marry such an insightful caged bird, with one hell of a singing voice.

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  2. You are an amazing young lady who is a doll! Love ya!!! Happy Birthday!!!

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  3. (speechless)...Happy Birthday little sis.

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  4. OMG! You said everything I feel! Happy Birthday to such a passionate young lady with such a compassionate heart -most days;) It is true though - in your 20's you feel like you are running out of time - then you hit our 30's and find out life does go on. 40's were the best for me - it was like "I've arrived!" I don't have to prove anything- and now that I've hit 50 - I'm not really sure how I feel- a little afraid I think -because of how the elderly are viewed...Ok OK I'll start my own blog but in the end spend your days wisely because you can't re-do them - take your time with Charlotte - In the bling of an eye she will be where you are.

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