I have heard it said that pain is fear leaving the body. Some days I wonder if I am close to being afraid of nothing else. Other days I just decide to hide my eyes and give in to the easier path. My eyes burn with weight of the world. I sit back and try to understand why God chooses to put things on my plate when I have very clearly explained that I am full. Must be where Mawie gets it. If only God was offering chicken n' dumplings and wedding cookies instead of patience testing and love's true endurance. Although, both can be attributed to my midsection's unfortunate growth spurt. My heart grows weary as I look in the mirror and realize the face staring back is me. Who have I become? Where am I going? What happened to the life that sprang from my bones? How did my soul forget how to fly? When will I find myself again?
And all it takes is a smile. A glistening grin from this tiny face that thinks I am awesome. A rub of the eyes and a head buried as close to my heart as possible gives my pain a break. Her rhythm of breaths melt my stress into a large puddle of self pity. I'll clean it up later. For now, this tiny human needs me to be strong. She needs my confidence, strength, and unending smile to cheer her on and give her the peace that she lives for. All too soon she will discover the world and all its ups and downs. But for now, her life is knowing that I love her, and that I'll hold on for dear life for as long as she will let me.