Wednesday, March 30, 2011

the girl that will not say "i can't".

Sooo, its been awhile. I would tell you that I've just had nothing to say, but if you know me at all, that's just simply impossible. As I have been pounding the pavement in my training for this marathon, I've opted to run without music. I have decided (to follow Jesus...haha ohhhh hymn references) to make this my quiet time. Self reflection and Jesus time. I have had so much to tell Him and myself that I haven't done much listening. And this is what I have come up with:

Somewhere in this past year I have lost some really important things. I can remember wanting with all my heart to be a motivational speaker to girls to tell them just how awesome they are. And along the way of hard times and the difficulties that life serves up, I became the person who needed the motivation. Tonight, I didn't want to run. At all. I wanted to call Jenny and tell her I just can't do this. I wanted to give up because I didn't embrace the self confidence to say that I can and I will. Who is this girl in the mirror? She's the same girl that decided to move to Jordan for 3 months. She's that same face that overcame the eating disorder. Her eyes are that of the woman I once knew and took pride in. But now she's tired and deathly scared of failing.

But there is (*thankfully*) hope for my weary soul. I have such beautiful family and friends that take every chance they get to encourage me. Tonight, Natalie, I thank you for your wonderful words and truth to keep me going and staying positive (and not making me laugh that last half mile). It's funny that I was talking to her about how I overthink things and she said, "Jenny said the same thing." I said, "Oh about herself?" and she said, "No, you." ha! I'm found out. Well, hello insecurities, I can never seem to outrun you. Or hide you. But I promise, I will get over you. It's like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you are the one that truly knows the uncomfortable feeling it provides.

So, these next 2 months, I'll take these times to thank Jesus for my health, my amazing family, my beautiful friends, and the life He's given me. I am inspired by so many of you and the things you accomplish. Without complaint. So, for the rest of this training, I promise to strive to be the girl that will not say "I can't".

*Want to donate to help find a cure??? Visit my fundraising page!!