It's been one of those days. Maybe just one of those evenings. Ok...I am listening to Phil Wickham and got inspired to sing through my fingers (and with my vocal chords...sorry neighbors). I can so easily forget Jesus' fierce desire to be my desire. A jealous and beautiful love. One of Phil's songs (True Love) talks about a love more faithful than the morning. And it got me thinking. And that usually isn't a good thing. As stated before, I can overthink with the best of them. But sometimes it turns out to be something soul emptying and I can walk a little lighter. I can see life a little brighter. I can find hope in things I had given up on. And, thank you Jesus, this is one of those sacred moments.
When you are broken...the truly gut wrenching, physically ill broken...you wish for the world to stop. I've wished for morning to give me just a little more time before arriving with the tiring knowledge that it doesn't slow down to let me figure things out. Or even to let me try to understand how to live with a heart that so easily malfunctions. No such luck. Day breaks in through the broken blinds and reminds me that the world is waiting. Not only is it waiting, its expecting me to suck it up and succeed.
I can see how depressing that could be. But when you think of how faithful the sun is to rise each day, how terribly refreshing to know that even if your whole existence is completely failing...something will remain the same. And it doesn't rise the same time everyday. It doesn't ever look the same as it did the day before. It's not mechanical. It's no robot. It's a gentle, burning reminder that we are alive. We are looking for light. It comes. When its ready. When its time. Faithful but not annoyingly predicable. Stable. True. Real.
I need to work on that. No matter how unfaithful I can be to Jesus, no worry of how easily I can be the friend that no one wants, no bother with how destructive I am...His love Never stops. NEver questions. NEVer grudges. NEVEr demeans. NEVER waivers. He always rises to the occasion. His love changes to meet my needs. His love is more faithful than the morning.