The snow is slowly vanishing. All the signs that Christmas invaded our December have been boxed away. 2012 came and went without much to say that hadn't already been said. Seeing 2 tiny bodies on the screen will be something I can forever remember. Heartache that has a name and a familiar face will be something I try to forget. 2013 already seems breathtaking...and it's more than 2 tiny heads of lettuce reducing my lung capacity. However, two boys playing tag at 4 A.M. makes reality clear. God has something so much bigger than I ever imagined for myself. Not only is it bigger, it's completely different.
This pregnancy has taken so much from me. I have tried to keep my complaining to a minimum. I have tried to see the end result instead of focus on how much my body, heart, and soul feel like they are foreign instruments...instruments that are dusty, old, and unwilling to make the beautiful music they once created. I am so grateful for this gift that God has given me. I tear up just thinking about the years I spent begging God for just one. Just one life I could help create. Now I am serving up two at a time. God's image includes a great sense of humor. It's just extremely easy to cry. It's no problem to sigh as I ask for help rolling over in bed to relieve the heartburn that feels like it might melt my chest and throat. Who wouldn't cringe to hear from strangers..."Are you having a Christmas present or hoping for a New Year's baby?" "Oh ma'am/sir...I am not due until APRIL." On the other side, in a crowded restaurant, I could swear that I must have a staff in my hand as people magically part to get out of my way. Strangers hold doors, smile, and wish me well just as soon as they catch a glimpse of this bump. One lady at Crossroads reached out, grabbed my hand, and said "bless that little baby in there". I smiled and said "babies" and her eyes filled with tears as she said, "God is so good."
I have realized, yet again, that I have the ability to choose what I see when I look in the mirror. I can decide to be thankful for the aches and fears that having these babies bring because my body can create eyes, fingers, toes,...kickstands. 2013 can seem overwhelming, but because of the years underneath this smile, I don't mind to welcome the challenge.