Sunday, November 17, 2013


The house lays still as Over the Rhine calls me to my secret thoughts.  The sirens have stopped professing our fate.  The rain has decided to heed our cries to regress and come again another day.  My mind is finally free to nurture all the ideas that yearn to stretch and grow.
Winter is coming.  The fear of being a stay at home mom in the blistering cold months is popping like corn in a kettle.  The Shining comes to mind.  Everyday Charlee wakes up and says, "Where are we going or who is coming over?"  I think it might cramp both of our styles.  Your suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
The push and pull of life seems to be at it's peak this time of year.  There are so many things to be thankful for.  Holding Aubrey and Isaac and feeling their little heartbeats, seeing the same nurses taking care of Amy...I am brought right back to those first nights that I held those little, familiar strangers in my arms.  I still remember the overwhelming emotion of just watching these two noses scrunch in protest of the cool hospital air...or maybe it was my morning breath.  The anxiety that these fragile faces were my responsibility now were enough to make me disappear in anticipation of complete failure.
The twins are almost 7 months now and I still sit and marvel at those adorable faces that are just begging to be covered in my utmost adoration.  I watch them stare at each other in complete confusion and unexplainable affection.
I have the best circle of support that anyone could ask for.  I have aunts that will drop anything to help.  I have mothers that will take the kids so that Bran and I can take time to remember that first and foremost...we are married to each other...not the kids.  I have a brother, sisters, friends and cousins and neighbors that want to know how I am doing, try to help when my answer of "fine" isn't as convincing as I think it is.  I am covered by such graceful humans that tell me I'm great when I really really really need every pore to let those words sink in and take root.  This village has lessened grey hairs and shown me what Jesus looks like in flesh and it's the most beautiful thing I could ever thank God for.
I can't forget the boy with the curls who makes me laugh until my sides hurt.  We've been through more in the past 3 years than most people will ever experience.  Mostly behind the scenes, we've learned what love really looks like when things get tough and don't go by the book.  We've figured out that marriage isn't to make you happy, but to make you holy.  Nothing displays grace like fessing up to your biggest fears and deepest rooted baggage.  And there is no greater feeling that knowing you are loved anyway.