Tuesday, July 21, 2015

The only words I could find.

When we look at the world around us, we see what we want to see. Big pictures of societies turning wrong directions. Small communities rising up to fight bitterness with forgiveness. As the view narrows we see friends suffer. Families come together.
Tonight my heart swirls.  We can be angry at things that don't add up. We can shake our fists at what life gives...or takes away. I can walk a very clear line of how unfair situations may feel.  It's easy to be sad.  I don't like easy. I like answers. Answers I will never receive.
I can get caught up in my tiny little world.  My mind, my circumstance, my pain.  Until I step away and see a friend suffer through what I would say is unimaginable loss. My grief seems petty in comparison.  And that's where it got me.  As I sat here and thought about what her heart is feeling and tried to imagine...I couldn't.  I can't compare.  Nor should I even try.
We all have a story.  We all have a path.  All the while we can look at ourselves, our community, our world and ask Jesus to get back here at once and save us from ourselves...I find these moments empowering to stare at my fears, hold tightly to the pain my loved ones might be feeling and cry out to that same Jesus...help me see clearly.  Help me fight.  Give me words, wisdom, grace. Take my expectations of myself and others and what I think life should look like and replace them with a heart that seeks truth and runs, no sprints toward what is right.  There, and only there, will I ever find the peace I long for. Only in that sweet spot will I have eyes that lead me out onto the water from this boat.